The Screaming Lady
As George and I were about to enter Jim & Nick’s Bar-B-Q, a man came out pushing an old lady, presumably his mother, in a wheelchair. As he wheeled her through the door, she let out such a terrified scream we stopped in our tracks, not knowing if she was about to fall out of the chair or was at the point of death. We had no idea what to do. Then she shouted, “It always jumps up at me!” I looked around anxiously. What jumps? The sidewalk? The outdoors? Did she just get new glasses or was Alzheimer’s involved? Whatever it was, it didn’t seem to bother her son, who continued on towards their car. He was apparently accustomed to such behavior. And the lady—well, she quickly got over it and seemed oblivious to everyone around her. I laughed later about the scream,...
Use Your Words
When my daughter asked for help getting two Christmas casseroles out of the oven, I was more than happy to assist. She had the baby strapped to the front of her, after all. I stood in front of the oven for a moment, looking to either side for something to use in handling the hot dishes. “Use your words, Mom,” Jen said, as she removed two potholders from a hook above the stove and handed them to me. “Thanks,” I said, grateful for her help, but a bit surprised that she would give her mother the same instruction she might give her two-year-old son. It was some time later that the word, potholder, came to me, a word I’ve known for well over half a century. On that particular day, though, this sixty-two-year-old couldn’t use her words because, unlike the two-year-old...
Gatlinburg
My memories of Gatlinburg go back more than fifty years. My first visit was in the early sixties, when I was seven or eight years old. On later visits, we always camped in the Smokies, but that first time we needed a hotel. That’s when I learned what the word vacancy meant, as Daddy instructed us to look for hotels that displayed only that word (without a no in front of it). I was snacking on Bacon Thin crackers at the time and kept thinking how similar vacancy sounded to bacon. When we discovered every hotel was full, Daddy went into one and pleaded for help in finding a place for our little family to stay. The manager directed us a block off the main street to a home whose owners occasionally rented out rooms. The people gave us an upstairs bedroom from which...
Reno
The death of former United States Attorney General, Janet Reno, brought a memory to mind. When my children were in elementary school in Greensboro, North Carolina, they attended a year-round school that specialized in global studies. The school was experimental, funded by a grant from the federal government, and I suppose for that reason, Janet Reno paid it a visit. Now I typically took my children to and from school and would use a special drop-off driveway. On the day of Reno’s visit, when I went to the school at closing time, I noticed that the cars in front of me bypassed that drive and went on to the main parking lot. I was incensed to see there was a car partially blocking the entrance to the lane. Who does that yoyo think he is, I wondered, getting in...
Accused
The hope of having the seat to myself was dashed when the couple boarded just before the flight attendant closed the airplane door. I got up from my usual aisle position to let them in, the man next to the window, woman beside me. I could immediately tell why they were late boarding—they reeked of cigarette smoke. Great, I thought, as I directed my air vent full-force on my face in an effort to divert the odor. I had noticed the couple while we awaited our flight. The woman fawned over every movement the man made and every word he spoke, while he loudly expressed opinions on a variety of topics as if everyone should benefit from his wisdom. I would have moved to a distant seat except that their voices were so loud it would have been impossible to escape their...
Opportunities in Retirement
There are many opportunities when you reach a certain age. My husband and I have been inundated with invitations to retirement strategy seminars. We’ve decided we should start attending each and every one because we DO need to understand how Social Security and Medicare work. It helps that these meetings include gourmet dinners. Sure beats cooking…or crashing funerals. There are other freebies that come with retirement. Just today, George received an “Authentic Gift Delivery Notification” from God knows who. It included a scratch-off, something old people always enjoy. George waited with bated breath as I scraped off the little silver circle. Lo and behold, the numbers matched, making George one of the “Grand Prize Winners!” We’re supposed to call immediately to...
Lake Wobegon
We had some interesting moments on a trip from Nashville to Missoula. Getting out of St. Cloud, Minnesota, where we spent one night, was especially challenging. We were using Google Maps and somehow it wasn’t helping as we headed towards North Dakota. We left the Fairfield Inn on 2nd Street South in St. Cloud, took a left on Park Avenue, then a left onto West Division Street, all the while looking in vain for signs directing us to I-94W. We were startled when Miss Google said, “Turn right on Northland Drive,” which appeared to lead into a residential community. Even more odd, we passed the street just as she was telling us to turn onto it. “Turn right on 1st Avenue then turn left on Lake Wobegon Trail” she said. By the time she finished that instruction, we had...
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