Beer
I tasted beer for the first time at age fifty-nine. We toured the Yazoo Brewery where they offered three different brews for tasting: Dos Perros, Pale Ale, and the one I finally broke down and took a sip of, the Hefeweizen. It’s an award-winning brew made with yeast that supposedly makes it taste like bananas with a hint of clove. I must have an undiscerning palate, however, as I didn’t recognize those tastes at all. My son, Chris, kept urging me to take a taste every time my glass was filled. Instead, the first two times, I handed mine to George, giving him a double portion (and ensuring my designated driver status). The third time, though, I gave in. Why? Good question. I grew up Southern Baptist, no drinking allowed. In fact, I seem to...
Underwear
This is my mother’s story, which took place in Philadelphia, the city of my birth, in the mid-fifties. She was shopping with a friend in the busy downtown area, wearing a dress, as did all women of that era. She was simply walking and chatting when the elastic waistband of her underwear broke and the panties fell down around her ankles. Without hesitation, Mother stepped out of those tidy whities, took her friend by the arm, and quickly walked in the door of the closest store. I don’t know how she communicated what happened to her friend….Oh, my God, I dropped my drawers!…or…Would you look at that?…but they laughed so hard they were practically in hysterics. (Imagine a very confused shopkeeper.) When they finally composed themselves,...
TP
During his final years, my father stockpiled toilet paper. Yes. Toilet paper. I knew when I emptied his house to move him into a small apartment that he had issues with hoarding. I found hundreds of used bubble envelopes in which products had been delivered to him, but then he set the envelopes aside in case he needed them for something. As I said, there were hundreds…and it almost broke his heart when I put them in the trash. Then, there were the AOL disks. Nearly as many of them as there were bubble envelopes. Every time he received a disk urging him to sign-up for AOL, he stashed it somewhere in his computer desk. Every nook and cranny, filled. Despite the fact that he was already using AOL. Those disks went in the trash, as well. I found multiple...
Slang
I found the book, Spanish Street Slang, at Barnes and Noble. Thinking it might be useful in communicating with our growing Mexican population, I flipped through the pages. The book was organized much like a dictionary or thesaurus, showing words and phrases in alphabetical order. I read a bit, trying to get an idea of the content. Quite a surprising experience. On every other page, I found the word penis. That’s right. Penis. Of course, I did not read the entire book, but I skimmed at least fifteen pages, covering about ten letters of the alphabet. And behind every single one of those letters, I found a different word for penis. Apparently, there is a different word for penis that begins with each of the twenty-nine letters of the Spanish alphabet. I...
“Cataracts” Follow-up
In researching natural remedies, I learned that the homeopathic remedy, Causticum, is effective in dissolving cataracts. A much better option than allowing someone to put a knife near my eye. After making my purchase, however, I saw the following uses noted on the side of the remedy: Bed-wetting and bladder incontinence. A connection between cataracts and Depends? Oh, yes. And yet another confirmation of my oldness.
Recent Comments