No, An Onion is Not Seafood

I am officially losing my mind. By the time someone reaches my age, sixty-three, they should know the difference between a scallion and a scallop. Apparently, I don’t.

We tried a new restaurant with some friends. I did my usual, ordering an appetizer as my entrée, the lesser amount of food better suited to my small appetite. Two appetizers caught my attention, the Brisket Poutine and the Chili Cheese Nachos. I noticed that the poutine listed a single scallion as an ingredient and the nachos, plural scallions. Intentional or a typo?

I knew what brisket was but, never having heard of poutine, surmised that it must be a beef/seafood combination. Why did I think that? Because I errantly thought a scallion was seafood and the menu clearly stated that the dish contained a scallion.

The poutine seemed a better choice in my way of thinking because it only included one scallion, a seafood I have never liked. I figured one scallion was less likely than multiples to spoil the dish. When I mentioned this to my husband, George, and our dinner companions, they gave me strange looks. Finally one of them said, “scallions are onions. And how can any dish contain only one small piece of a scallion?” Everyone laughed and agreed. Everyone except me.

“An onion?” I said, feeling confused.

Suddenly, I pictured a scallion in my mind, the long green onion I sometimes chop when preparing meals.

“Oh! A scallion is an onion,” I said, amazed by my realization.

And then we were all laughing as it became clear that I had mistaken a scallion for a scallop. A scallion is an onion; a scallop is a type of clam. Two different things. Two different words.

If you should happen to run across my mind…I’ll gladly pay the return postage.