A New Syndrome

Most everyone knows of Attention Deficit Disorder, exhibited by people who can’t sit still and constantly bounce from one thing to another. There are medications available for this condition. But attention surplus needs to be addressed as well. It’s characterized by a person sitting hour after hour, sometimes with eyes open and sometimes closed. Individuals appear to be content, whether staring at the television or being sound asleep. There are varying degrees of attention surplus, with some people sitting still for a solid hour, while others manage a full day.

I’ve often suspected my husband suffered from something because of his ability to sit so long without moving. Many husbands do this despite perpetual nagging by their wives. Retired men, in particular, are affected; accordingly, any treatment should be covered by Medicare.

Because of the contentment factor, attention surplus can be characterized as a syndrome rather than a disorder. But, as with many medical conditions, Attention Surplus Syndrome doesn’t get the attention it deserves. Accommodations are made for ADD. Why not for ASS? Are those affected meant to forever suffer the contempt of those who are not? 

Short of medications, an annoyed spouse could make special efforts to disturb her ASS-sufferer. Suggestions include talking loudly on the phone while he is asleep in his recliner, reorganizing his book collection, or inviting guests over. Of course, there is always the option of a caffeine drip down his throat while his snoring mouth is slightly agape. Any of these options may prove to be more effective than simply asking an ASS-prone spouse to get up off his ass.

2 Comments

  1. Tere
    Jan 22, 2021

    Too funny!

    • Karen Curran
      Jan 23, 2021

      Ha ha!

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