Wistful

The colors in the sky amaze me as daytime fades to the west.  Shades of pink and gray are a beautiful contrast to the slowly darkening blue.  Streaks of sunlight reach through holes in the clouds, looking like spotlights.  What hidden wonders are they trying to uncover before the sun slips below the horizon?

Everything I see is a wonder and I’m taking it all in during my evening walk.  Not only the colors of the sky, but also the raucous mockingbird warning me away from her nest, the grass, flowers, and trees of my neighborhood, and friends in homes I pass.

The sky is definitely the center of my attention, though; it makes me wistful.  The thought of being in it, floating among the clouds, that heavenly place of beauty and peace, is appealing.  An experience I long to enjoy.

But I tried skydiving and I didn’t enjoy it.  Instead of rolling lazily like the clouds, I was moving so fast during free fall I couldn’t breathe.  Panic set in, along with my desperate prayer, Oh, God, get me to the ground!

When the canopy opened, my body was yanked so harshly by that act of putting on brakes, all I could do was yell, hold tightly to my harness straps, and continue to pray.

I suppose gentle floating followed, but I don’t remember, since I was nearly unconscious from fear.

Skydive Instructor Daniel has made this his living.  He’s done it hundreds of times and I sense he loves the freedom and beauty, but also the adrenalin rush he experiences from skydiving.  I envy his ability to jump with such unbridled joy.

In reality, though, we’re not all called to find joy in the same place.  Mine comes from playing Beethoven on the piano, something many wouldn’t even want to hear, from writing stories or hiking in the mountains.   None of us can do it all, nor are we meant to.  God has blessed us with differing abilities and talents, given by His generous mercy.

Perhaps we’re meant to dream of endless possibilities in order to understand the things that are important to others, to get a glimpse of their hearts and passions.

And maybe that understanding is not only the wonder that’s being uncovered, but also my true longing.