Where’s the Bacon?

When I ordered the “Big Beef Bacon Cheese Melt” from the menu at a local café, I assumed I was in for a big juicy burger topped with cheese and crispy bacon. Was I ever wrong. There wasn’t a burger at all—just thin strips of beef along with the cheese and tomato. Beef bacon. Whoever heard of such? I admit the abomination called turkey bacon has been around a good while. But everyone knows it’s not legitimate bacon. Bacon comes from a pig, folks. And when properly cooked, it’s thin, crispy, and oh so yummy. That turkey stuff should just be called turkey strips because that’s really all it is. But beef bacon? It was tough, hard to bite through, and had random strings of fat that weren’t crispy at all. Never in a million years could it be called bacon. You can be...